I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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