Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"