pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
