You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
