Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
