Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
