I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
