why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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