so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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