This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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