i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
