every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
