I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize