Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
