i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
