It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I cockslap morals
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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