i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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