I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
