a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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