Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
