so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
