the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize