Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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