dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
