Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
