Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize