Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
