i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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