i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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