You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
