I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
