sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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