some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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