I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Hippo gnu deer
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
