hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The best revenge is premature balding
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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