Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
