I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
