I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm always down for nudity.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
