You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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