He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
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Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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