First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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