My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
