I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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