i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
