I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
