God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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