I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
