anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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