I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
