who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
