so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
