my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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