so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
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