does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So many bounce houses so little time
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
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some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
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Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
not ubering you a puppy
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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