Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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