smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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