maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
