Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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