I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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