i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
