I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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