Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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