Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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