Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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