oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize