Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize