I am spending my child support on dildos
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
