You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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