So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
