yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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