Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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