If that was your dad, he is hot
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Operation Purity has been aborted
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
