Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
