Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
