how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
