How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
