from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
