Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
