I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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