he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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