all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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